


What I Never Wanted

by sirina77



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Gen, Mentions of Rape, Past Tense, Unplanned Pregnancy, but i really wanted to write it, dont worry no one fucked the skeleton, idek who this fic is for, mom valkyrie, so here ya go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24291145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirina77/pseuds/sirina77
Summary: It's been five and a half years since Valkyrie left Ireland. Longer than she really expected to be gone, but she can't change that now. There's a lot that she can't change now... She may be a bit in over her head this time and it's more out of desperation than a willingness to go home that she makes the decision to finally call Skulduggery. None of this is going to be easy, but maybe with some help it'll be a bit easier in the long run.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	What I Never Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> I genuinely have no idea if anyone else is interested in this kind of story, but honestly I don't care. The complexities of these topics and my own life experiences have drawn me to these kinds of topics and a few weeks back I got a very intense urge to write out this idea. Parental stories, and especially moms, are so rarely given a focus and rarer still are the stories that delve into people who aren't that great at being parents or the struggles of caring for another person while balancing your own struggles and needs. idk why but these kinds of things really set my mind racing and make me think and I wanted to write this and attempt to untangle some of my own thoughts in the process. I originally wasn't even going to post this because I highly doubt this is something the fandom wants or would even consider reading, but after re-reading my first chapter I decided that if even one person found something relatable or worth while or interesting in this story, then it's worth being shared. 
> 
> Anyways, if this isn't for you, I totally get it.   
> If it is, then I hope I did the topic justice.   
> No planned update dates, but I am already working on the next chapter so... we'll see.   
> Thanks for reading and please be kind to one another. <3

The memories oozed over her, like thick, sticky, boiling tar. They burned through her mind, leaking into every crevice. First came the memories of Roarhaven. The fights. The bodies. The people Darquesse killed. The people  _ she  _ killed. Their screams filled her ears and the rusty smell of blood hit her in the face like a punch. Then there was an  _ actual  _ punch and she was fighting. All elbows and knees, just like she’d been taught. She’d seen these fights so many times now, yet they still managed to make her heart race and plunged her into fear and dread. 

She knew what came next, but even so she couldn’t stop the scene from bubbling up. But, oh, how she wanted to stop it.

Then she was in that room. That damned room. Alice lay on the table, her eyes unseeing. Still as a stone. Valkyrie screamed, but no sound left her lips. She wailed and cried and tried to reach for her sister, but her arms wouldn’t move. Something was wrong. She was being held back. No, pulled. She was being pulled back. Away from her sister. Away from the room and the building and Roarhaven. Regret and loss and guilt consumed her. 

The scene melted away into darkness. But her thoughts weren’t done with her yet. Out of the inky, black nothingness rose buildings and a streetlamp that had been busted for months. She was in a dark alley, kneeling on the ground. Her hands bound behind her, cutting off her magic as her eyesight swam and the world flickered between crystal clear memories and vague, fuzzy recollections. She blinked and suddenly there were figures at the mouth of the alley. Fear raced down her spine in an icy trail as they stalked towards her. She struggled, but her movements were slow. Too slow. It was as if she was encased in tar. It was everywhere, touching her skin, holding her back, keeping her bound and too too hot. Burning and gripping and pulling. 

She knew what was about to happen. And it scared her. 

Then the hands were on her and she screamed.

Valkyrie bolted upright, the strangled cry dying on her lips as her wide eyes tried to make sense of what she was seeing. Her skin burned with the heat and she hastily kicked the blankets off and sat forward, bracing her hands on the mattress as her eyes frantically scanned the room. The lights were off. Xena watched her, from the foot of the bed. Valkyrie could make out the dresser along the wall and the door to her closet. Faint moonlight streamed in through the curtained window on her right, while the warm glow of a light from the hall beckoned from the open door on her left. 

She was in her bedroom.

She was in her house.

In Colorado. 

She was safe.

Xena made a whimpering sound, but stayed where she was, waiting. Numbly, Valkyrie patted the space on the bed next to her and the dog scrambled over, nuzzling under Val’s arm and pressing as close to her owner as she could. Val’s hand fell to Xena’s fur and the contact jolted her more thoroughly into the present. The fear still had her heart racing. Her breathing was far from steady, but she knew where she was. 

She sat there for a time, combing her hands through Xena’s fur and trying to breathe. When she was sure she wouldn’t hyperventilate, she slowly swung her legs over the side of the bed and glanced at the clock. 3:45 AM. She groaned and ran a hand through her bed-mussed hair. Despite the exhaustion that had plagued her for the last four days, she knew she wouldn’t be getting back to sleep anytime soon. The thought made her want to cry. 

She didn’t cry though. 

Instead, Valkyrie forced herself to get to her feet and walked out of the bedroom, Xena following close behind. She krept down the hall silently, peering into the room across from her own for just a moment before moving on towards the kitchen. Her body ached and protested every movement and step, begging her to go back to bed, but she ignored it. She set about making a pot of tea and warming some water for the rest of her morning routine. Pot on the stove and tea in hand, she swept over to her hidden surveillance room and skimmed over the footage. 

Nothing out of the ordinary. 

She sipped her tea and krept back to the kitchen. Moving mostly on autopilot, she peeled the lid off of a dog food tin and scooped the goop into a bowl with some dry kibble. She walked the bowl over to the spot where Xena always took her meals, the dog following eagerly behind. Valkyrie stopped and turned on the spot. Xena stopped and watched. Valkyrie signalled with her free hand and Xena immediately sat. She silently motioned a few other signals and Xena responded to each in kind. Valkyrie set the food down and Xena remained where she sat, eyes on Valkyrie. Waiting. Valkyrie counted to ten in her head before giving the command.

“Okay.” 

Xena eagerly swept forward and dug into her meal. A hint of a smile pulled at Valkyrie’s lips. Then it was gone.

She left her dog to her meal in peace and went back to check the pot on the stove. Just as she was gathering the rest of the supplies from the cupboards, a whimpering sound echoed from back down the hall. Her hands faltered and she glanced at the clock on the microwave. 4:26 AM. Too early. The whimpering turned into short cries and she sighed. 

Her feet carried her to the room opposite her own, the one that used to be a study, and she followed the small, distressed cries to the crib that sat against the far wall. The squirming child within, had its eyes squeezed tightly shut as it gurgled and made its distress known. No, not  _ it _ .  _ He _ . She had to keep reminding herself of that. She reached in and brushed her hand over his head, her fingers running through his fine dark hair. The baby’s eyes blinked open and it-  _ his  _ wailing paused for a moment, though the impatient squirming continued. 

Valkyrie shook her head as she looked on fondly. 

“You know, Alice never carried on nearly as much as you do.” she teased, leaning down and scooping the baby into her arms, ignoring the protests from her muscles and back. “You’re an hour and a half early. You know that, right?” she asked, carefully settling the infant into the crook of her arm. He reached out a ridiculously tiny hand and grabbed hold of her nightshirt in a tight fist. “Yes, yes. I’m going. I’ve only just started on your breakfast, so you’ll have to wait just a little bit longer, love.” 

As she made her way back to the kitchen the baby began whimpering again. Valkyrie cooed and shushed him as best she could while prepping a bottle with her free hand. She never really thought her experience taking care of Alice would ever come in handy again, but she was grateful for it now. By the time she’d gotten the bottle ready and was walking back towards the nursery, the baby was wailing in earnest again. 

Valkyrie settled into the rocking chair in the corner of the room and held the bottle to the baby’s lips. It took a few tries, but eventually he was quietly drinking and the house fell back into the quiet calm of the early morning. 

“There now, that wasn’t too bad, was it?” She sighed, allowing her body to relax a bit. “You need to work on being just a tiny bit more patient, I think.” The baby blinked up at her with wide, green eyes, not faltering in his mission to down the entire bottle in one go. “I mean it.” she assured him. “It’s never too early to start on self improvement. Not that there’s too much to improve on, of course.” Her thumb traced featherlight circles around his knee. “At least you’ve got all the basics down. Eating and sleeping and whatnot. No troubles there, thank goodness. The rest will come in time, yeah?” 

She hoped it would. 

After he finished with his bottle, she burped and changed him and settled back into the rocking chair just as the sun was starting to tint the sky a hazy pink. She held the infant close to her chest as she rocked slowly back and forth. He latched onto her shirt, grasping tightly. She knew getting him to let go would be a fight and a half. Once he’d made his mind up to hang onto something, there was no disputing the matter. Resigning herself to her place in the chair, she shifted so that she was a bit more comfortable and began to hum softly.  _ Somewhere Over the Rainbow _ . She couldn’t recall all of the words, but thankfully humming meant that she just had to know the tune. Plus, it wasn’t like the newborn was going to call her out on getting the song wrong. 

The sun continued to rise and the stillness and peace in the room wafted over the two of them. Like a dusting of feathers, or a cool summer breeze. All the thoughts and worries that never stopped buzzing in the back of her mind were at least kept at bay and the aching of her body could almost be forgotten if she just stayed very, very still. It wasn’t contentment, not quite. But it was a relief nonetheless. 

She didn’t even notice that she’d drifted off, pulled under at the first chance of sleep.

And then the tar was pouring over her again. 

Hot and heavy and thick like glue.

Dragging her down. Back through Roarhaven. Back through the Alley. Fists knocking into her. Hands grabbing her. Screams of her victims. Screams of her friends. And then her own screams. 

And then she flinched in her seat as the screaming continued. 

Not her own though.

As her heart raced and her lungs struggled to take in air, the screaming continued. 

It echoed off the walls and hit her ears and set her nerves on fire. 

Her mind raced to find the source and her first thought was of Alice. Of her desperate cries when Valkyrie had finally managed to bring her back to life. 

But she was in Colorado. Alice wasn’t here. Alice wasn’t a baby anymore.

Her gaze fell to the child still nestled in her arms, screaming and wriggling in her grasp. Her tight grasp. Too tight. 

She was holding him too tightly. 

Instantly she loosened her hold and forced her shaking hands to still and tried to focus on not dropping him entirely. 

“Shh shh shh. I’m sorry.” she breathed. “Mummy’s sorry. I’m so sorry, baby. Shhhh. Don’t cry.” 

She checked him over as she spoke. A light bruise was starting to form on his little leg and she could feel bile rising up in her throat. 

She’d hurt him. 

She’d hurt her own child. 

Valkyrie lurched to her feet, flinging a hand out to grab onto the dresser to keep from falling over. Her head was spinning. Fear still dancing through her thoughts and keeping her breathing unsteady. The baby was still crying. She tried to shush him, but her thoughts were growing more and more unsteady and she knew what was coming and she knew she wouldn’t be able to avoid it this time. 

She forced her legs to move, one after another, and oh so carefully settled the baby into his crib, despite his protests. She carefully pried his tiny fingers off of her shirt and the instant she was free she fled the room. She stumbled into the hall, aiming for the bathroom, but unable to make it there before the vomit spilled out of her. Tears stung at her own eyes as the acid burned her throat and the wailing from the other room filled the house. She managed to stumble a few steps further down the hall before gravity pulled her to her knees and her unsteady breathing left her leaning against the wall for support. 

Her mind raced and everything was fear and guilt and pain and regret. Every ache and pain she’d been ignoring for the past few days, flared to life tenfold and the screams of her son melted with the screams of her past until she couldn’t tell which was which. She wanted to scream, but the air wouldn’t come and she was sure she would suffocate then and there on the floor of her house, so, so far from home. The tears ran trails down her cheeks as she sat there, trying to remember how to breathe. 

At some point she finally managed to pull in a shaky breath. She held it for a moment and then forced the air from her lungs as slowly as she could manage. It worked. She repeated the process, her attempts growing less ragged with each inhale. The voices and the screams and the memories dimmed as she poured all of her focus into breathing. 

She was absently aware of something bristly under her left hand. Fur. Xena. She flexed her fingers, feeling the thick fur and eventually the warmth along her left leg. She couldn’t recall when Xena had come to her or if she’d signalled her to come closer, but she was glad to have her there all the same. Part of her training had been to ensure Xena knew to keep her distance unless Valkyrie allowed her to come close. It was intended for Xena’s safety… though in this moment, she didn’t have the energy to dispute her companion’s better judgement. 

The screaming from the other room had stopped and Valkyrie wondered how long she’d been sitting there. She tilted her head up, her eyes flicking to the window at the end of the hall and the sunlight that shone through it. Warm and bright. Not yet midday, but later than she had hoped it would be. 

A thought occurred to her and her heartbeat quickened. She forced herself to her feet, leaning heavily on the wall and turned, moving back towards the nursery. He’d stopped crying. Normally that would be a good thing, but after what had just happened… She staggered into the room and her gaze fell on the crib. The infant within was still. She felt her heart skip a beat. Then she was next to the crib in a moment, reaching a hand towards him. She saw the movement before she felt it. His little chest, moving rhythmically up and down. She left her hand resting lightly there, feeling him breathe. Just to be sure. 

He was fine. 

He was breathing and sleeping and fine. 

Her eyes slid down to gaze at the little bruise just starting to color on his tiny thigh and the tears returned. He was fine, she knew. This was hardly anything to actually be concerned about. 

But she’d hurt him. 

She’d lost her composure… her control. And she’d hurt her own son. 

She withdrew her hand, as if burned and slowly, quietly stepped out of the room. The tears crept down her cheeks silently as she moved about the house. She needed to move. Needed to be doing something. So she set about cleaning up the sick from earlier, then the mess from breakfast. Which turned into cleaning the kitchen entirely, by which point the tears had stopped and the numbness had begun to seep in. 

She had almost forgotten about that part. 

She’d become so used to the numb feeling before the baby had been born. But then she’d gone into labor and everything since then had just been a whirlwind of panic and chaos and just trying to stay afloat. The numbness had evaded her for the last four… no… five days now. 

Some part of her was glad to see it return, if just to feel relief from everything else. 

Another part of her was ashamed that she’d let herself become so weak. 

Valkyrie set down the plate she’d been washing as the sound of whimpering from down the hall reached her ears. She glanced at the clock. 8:01 AM. He’d slept a little longer this time then. She hoped that wasn’t a bad thing. 

She prepped a bottle first, then made her way back into the nursery. The routine went much the same as it had for the last few days. Wake. Feed. Burp. Change. Back to sleep. Xena shadowed her this time though, unwilling to let Valkyrie out of her sight. 

Once the baby was settled back into his crib Valkyrie took the chance to step out of the house and let Xena run outside. They could both probably do with some sunshine. 

Valkyrie stepped out on the back porch and picked up one of Xena’s favorite balls and tossed it far out into the field. The dog took off and that shadow of a smile returned to Valkyrie’s lips for just a moment. She leaned over the railing and watched her extremely well trained dog, fail to find the ball that was only a few feet from where she was sniffing. 

It was warmer out today. Spring was finally bringing an end to all of the snow and the long yellowed grass was sprouting fresh and green in some places. It was beautiful here in the spring. Once all the snow at this altitude melted, the plants would all come to life and the sky was such a lovely shade of blue. And in the distance, every direction you looked, you could see snow capped mountains, framing the horizon. It was picturesque. She could see why so many tourists traveled to colorado for vacations and holidays. 

Of course, her mind couldn’t help but compare the view to the ones she knew back home. Back in Ireland. What it lacked in mountains it made up for in simple, nostalgic charm. And then she was thinking about home and how much she missed it. How she missed Haggard and her parent’s house. Her parents. Alice. She missed Gordon, of course, but then that was a different kind of loss. One that reminded her of other losses that weighed heavy on her heart. She pushed those to the side. 

She’d cried enough for today. No need to tempt fate into another bout of waterworks. 

Of course, she couldn’t fathom home at all without thinking of Skulduggery. And that brought about another, different ache. And, not for the first time, she felt as though the picturesque mountains were more like the walls of a prison than simple aspects of the scenic view. She wanted so badly to be back home. To be back around her family and to see Skulduggery and return to the life she’d grown into. Being away from that, from magic, from him… it was like she’d cut a piece of herself out. A feeling she was far too familiar with at this point, she mused. 

Her ankles and back protested her being on her feet for so long and she groaned as she pushed off from the railing and went to sit on the porch steps. Xena trotted over, having finally retrieved her ball. Valkyrie gave it a toss and the dog raced off once more. When she returned this time, Valkyrie gave the ball one last toss, then called her back inside. 

She glanced at the clock, figured she had about two hours before the baby woke up again, and decided to at least make an attempt at acting human today. She took a long shower, letting herself sit under the warm spray and relax her muscles as much as she could. Then she stepped out, threw on some sweat pants and a tee and set about making a proper meal for herself. Not that a sandwich and a bag of chips were particularly difficult to procure, but she’d hardly been able to remember to feed herself the last few days, much less the energy to make anything. Even now, the effort seemed to drain her and she found herself cursing the weakness that had been plaguing her for nearly a month now. 

She sat at the couch in the living room, switched on the TV and ate while some mindless sitcom played out on the screen. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she’d cleared her plate and decided she had just enough energy to get up and snag an apple before settling back onto the couch. Her eyes flicked over to the kitchen, but she couldn’t quite read the clock from this angle. So she scooped up her phone from the side table. One more hour. 

She groaned. 

All at once she was aware of how comfortable the couch was and how heavy and tired she felt. The numbness had almost completely faded by now and she was dreading having to get up again. She hated that. She hated that she was dreading having to take care of her newborn son. But she was so tired. Even though she knew what would happen the instant she drifted off to sleep. The nightmares hadn’t let up since the baby had been born and she was starting to really wonder if she could handle this on her own. 

She gave a hollow chuckle at that.

She’d known since day one that she wasn’t going to be able to do this alone. But she’d been fighting that reality just like she’d fought the visions about Darquesse. With a healthy dose of denial and grit and pushing herself to a breaking point. At least with Darquesse, she’d had Skulduggery to confide in and rely on… 

Before she really thought about it, her thumb moved across the screen of her phone and pulled up their texts. They hadn’t been totally radio silent over the last five and a half years. The occasional message here or there. Well wishes on birthdays and Christmas. He sent her a photo of a ‘zombie unicorn’ about a year ago. She’d laughed at that one. Almost replied with one of a dozen quips… but nothing ever felt right over text. So she’d sent nothing in reply that time. The last message was from New Years. Just a ‘Happy New Year’ from him and more or less the same from her. It could hardly be considered talking, really. Just confirmation that the other was still alive. 

She thought about what she could say. What would be right? She didn’t want to worry him. She really didn’t want to bother him if he was on a case. But somewhere in her mind, she knew if she was ever going to say anything, now would be the time. She was weak. She hated it, but she was. Physically and mentally. Her defences were down and her pride was being kept at bay by utter exhaustion. If she didn’t take this opportunity now…

_ What’s up? _

She hit send before she could second guess herself, then immediately thought up a better starter and regretted ever starting on this path at all. Not a minute went by before her phone dinged and she read his reply. 

_ Finishing up a case. Just paperwork. _ _   
_ _ What about you? _

She sighed and took a moment to think about what she wanted to say. When she realized none of it would sound write in a text she said, 

_ Mind if I call? _

_ Not at all. _

She took a breath and hit the call button before she could second guess herself. He answered on the second ring and his velvety voice felt so much like salve on a wound that she had to stop herself from sighing with relief. 

“Hello, Valkyrie.” 

“Hey.” So articulate, she thought.

“Are you alright?” he asked, easily picking out the concern in his voice. 

“I’m safe and unharmed, just sitting in my living room.” she assured him. 

“That wasn’t what I asked.”

She didn’t answer right away. “Skulduggery, I haven’t been  _ ‘alright’  _ in almost a decade.”

He didn’t reply to that. She wasn’t sure if she wanted him to or not, so before the silence dragged on for too long she kept talking. 

“Look, there’s… something… something happened. And I’m fine,” she rushed to assure him, “for the most part.”

“I’m sensing a ‘but’.” he said when she didn’t continue. 

“But,” she sighed, “I’m starting to think I may be in way over my head here.” As soon as the words left her lips she could feel the slightest weight removed from her shoulders. So she kept going. “I didn’t know who else to call. I mean… I guess I could have called Tanith, but… This… this isn’t something simple and I’m barely wrapping my head around all of this as it is and I don’t want to shove my personal problems onto anyone else, especially not my friends… but…” 

_ I need help. _ The words died on her lips, what remained of her pride eclipsing the tidal wave of impulsive gusto she’d been riding before she could go too far. 

“I can call Fletcher and be there in half an hour.” 

She almost wanted to sob. “I don’t- Look I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I really don’t want anyone else to know exactly where I am. And I know it’s Fletcher, but…” 

“Chartering a flight and getting a car would leave a much easier to follow paper trail.” he stated, his voice still calm and smooth and steady. 

Valkyrie nodded. “Yeah… okay yeah. That makes sense.”

“Fletcher  _ can  _ keep a secret.” Skulduggery said. 

“It’s not his secret keeping skills I’m worried about.” Valkyrie admitted. She was quiet for a moment, her tired mind struggling to find the best solution. “If you got Fletcher to teleport you over, you’d have to make him swear that he wouldn’t stay or drop back by unless invited. No teleporting anyone else over either.” She sighed for what felt like the millionth time and continued. “I know I probably sound more than a little paranoid, but… this is kind of important and I can’t afford to take risks.” 

“Hence, why you’re being intentionally vague over the phone.” he mused. “I’m sure Fletcher would understand. He’s actually matured a surprising amount in the last few years.” 

Valkyrie almost smiled at the thought. “You’ll have to tell me all about it when you get here.” 

“So, you’re alright with me asking him?”

“I guess I kind of have to be, huh?” She paused for a moment. “Is this- are  _ you  _ okay with this? Just, dropping everything and jumping halfway ‘round the world without notice or any real reason?”

“I wouldn’t be going if I wasn’t okay with it.” he stated so matter of factly. “And you asking is a perfectly real and valid reason.” 

She pulled the phone away from her face, hoping that he couldn’t hear her sniffling. God, when had she become such a mess. She glanced up at the clock before replying.

“See you in an hour, then?” she asked. He’d said he could get there sooner, but she needed just a little more time. He didn’t comment on the request. 

“One hour.” he confirmed. “See you soon.” 

“Thank you.” she breathed. 

“Always.”

She smiled, a fragile, sad upturn of lips, then ended the call. 

She sat there on the couch while the TV droned on in the background, replaying the conversation in her head. She’d done it. After almost six years she’d finally called him. Finally reached out. The fear nipped at her along with the doubt and shame and everything else that had kept her from getting this far, but the comfort of knowing that someone was coming. That  _ he  _ would be here. It made the rest of it all a little easier to bear. 

She forced herself up off of the couch, ignoring her aches and pains and set about preparing the baby’s next bottle. She wanted that bit done and out of the way before Skulduggery showed up. While the water warmed she stepped outside and took a photo of the house, then sent the picture to Skulduggery. As she climbed the steps she shot off a quick text.

_ If you pack a bag, leave your nicer suits at home. _

_ Should I expect a hike? _

_ Probably not. Just a suggestion. _

_ Your suggestion has been noted. _

She smirked at that as she set her phone on the counter and went back to prepping the bottle. This time, when the little one woke early, she was thankful. He downed his bottle as eagerly as he had all day and within half an hour he was back out like a light. She was actually surprised. Normally by the third or fourth round he would start to get a little fussy and wanted a bit more attention. Though she didn’t voice her thoughts aloud, she softly knocked on the wood door frame as she passed under it, praying she hadn’t jynxed anything. 

The clock read 11:45 AM. 

He’d be there in fifteen minutes. 

And now her mind was supplying her with all the ways this could go horribly wrong. What was she going to say? How would he react? Anxiety coiled in her belly like a too taught spring and she found herself pacing in the living room. Then she realized that if she was inside the house then he’d have to knock on the door, which might wake the baby, which she was not ready for yet. So she stepped outside, Xena following close behind. 

She paced along the porch as her thoughts continued to spiral. She took a seat on the patio chair, failed to get comfortable, then got up and marched down the steps and out into the yard. Just off to the side of the house was a bench swing that she’d built about two years ago. She’d built  _ most  _ of her furniture actually. Good way to clear the trees in the area around the house and eliminated the need for her to have anything shipped over. Plus, having a hobby was a great way to kill time during her self-imposed exile. 

She settled onto the swing, her body only now reminding her that pacing around like she’d done was a very stupid idea. If she thought she’d been tired while sitting on the couch earlier, then she was absolutely drained now. Something told her she wasn’t going to be moving anytime soon. 

Then, movement caught her eye. At the same time, Xena began to growl from her place beside the bench. Two figures stood in front of the house, having seemingly appeared out of thin air. Two unmistakably familiar figures. Valkyrie felt the air catch in her throat. But Xena’s growling was getting louder. 

“Xena. Heel.” she commanded, stern, but quiet. Trying not to draw too much attention. 

Xena responded immediately, falling silent and sitting, but not taking her eyes off of the two visitors. 

When Valkyrie looked back up, they were both looking in her direction. Skulduggery with a duffle hanging by his side. Fletcher, with his hair as ridiculous as ever. Valkyrie forced herself to look away, resting her elbows on her knees and praying that her hands weren’t shaking as much as it felt like they were. She heard something, a voice too quiet to make out and then the sound of gravel crunching underfoot as they strode across the driveway in her direction. Just one set of footsteps. 

She risked a glance up. Fletcher was nowhere to be seen and Skulduggery was stepping onto the grass now, only a few steps away. Her eyes fell to the grass then, one hand reaching out to bury itself in Xena’s fur. Then he was right there. Right within arms reach. The urge to get up and pull him into a hug was nearly overwhelming, but she didn’t trust her aching legs to hold her up with the added anxiety coursing through her veins. 

“May I join you?” he asked and just as before, his voice soothed her. 

She didn’t trust her own voice yet though, so she just nodded in response, not looking up. 

He set the bag down on the grass and sat on the bench next to her. Silence lingered in the air between them as she struggled to find the right words. Out of the corner of her eye Skulduggery removed his hat, examined it, flicked some imagined dirt off of the brim and then placed it back on his head. He was waiting for her. Just like he’d done for the last five years. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. 

“Okay. No preamble.” she said, still not looking at him. “I’m just going to say it. I’m going to say what happened and if you decide afterwards that you’re not up to this, then you can call Fletcher back and he can take you home and I’ll understand. I won’t be mad or anything.” 

“Though the attempt at offering me an ‘ _ out’  _ is thoughtful,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

She wasn’t sure if she believed him, but the sincerity in his voice fueled her. It brought the next words from her lips even as she took her time deciding on the right ones. She sighed, forcing herself to focus on the hand that was combing through Xena’s fur. Focus on the rhythm. Then she spoke. 

“Last year I got attacked by three sorcerers in a town about an hour east of here.” she began. “They recognized me. Knew who I was. Knew about Darquesse. They hadn’t planned it, I don’t think. It was pure coincidence that our paths crossed, but I was having a bad day and my focus was on... other things. They caught me by surprise. One of them had some old beat up binding cuffs they managed to get on me. After that...” she paused, trying to find the right words, but they were all too sharp. Too real. So she moved past it and skipped to the next bit. “The cuffs really were old though. Took a while, but eventually I managed to pull one hand free. Fought them off… I- I killed them.” 

She took a breath and let it out slow, trying to ignore the way her free hand was shaking. 

“I ran. Came back home and I was sure someone was going to come for me. I was so sure someone from one of the Sanctuaries would find out and come after me. Or they’d call for you to bring me in. I mean, I’d just left the bodies  _ there _ . In the open.” she shook her head. “But no one came. Nothing showed up in the news. It was like it never happened. I stayed holed up in the house for weeks, waiting for… nothing. I was actually starting to wonder if I’d really lost it. If I’d gone completely off the rails and my mind was making up new horrors for me.” She let out a hollow, humorless laugh and silence hung in the air between them for just a few moments too long. 

“What convinced you otherwise?” Skulduggery asked, his voice quiet, but his tone was eerily steady. 

Valkyrie bit her lip, her hand leaving Xena’s fur and running through her own hair again. 

“I started getting sick.” she said. “Thought it was the panic attacks at first. They’d died down a lot by then, but… the attack brought them back. Then the other signs started cropping up… I think I already knew early on, but I chanced going to a doctor, just to be sure. I had to be sure…” Her breathing was starting to sound a little shaky and it took longer for her to get it back to normal than she would have liked. 

“Valkyrie-”

“I found a clinic that was willing to do a checkup for cash and no paperwork.” she said, knowing that if she stopped talking now she’d never say it. “I was already nine weeks in at that point. I came back to the house and considered my options. I don’t- I don’t think I was really in the best state of mind at the time, honestly. It was all just… too much. Too much to think about… so... I didn’t. I put it off. A week. Then a month. Then two. I just started to shut down, really. And then it was too late. It wasn’t… it wasn’t an  _ it  _ anymore. And I was running out of time... and life suddenly went from nothing to absolute chaos. I started making furniture.” she chuckled a bit at that. “The rocking chair was easy. Just followed a tutorial online. The crib I was a bit more wary of searching for though. Didn’t want internet history getting traced or something, so I ended up winging it. Only took three tries to get it right.”

She had more to say. Knew what she was going to say and everything, but the stinging of her eyes caught her off guard and she faltered. She blinked and the tears started to fall and she quickly lifted a hand to brush them away, but her hand was still shaking and she knew she was done. She’d said all she could and her body wasn’t willing to give up another word on the matter. 

Something touched the back of her arm and she flinched, even as her mind supplied her with the obvious answer. Skulduggery stilled his hand, but didn’t pull away, the back of his knuckles almost featherlight on her upper arm. She could feel his gaze on her. Watching. It took a moment, but she realized what he was doing. Testing the waters. Seeing what she could handle. She forced herself to lean into the touch. Then he was leaning forward and his arms snaked around her, slow but determined, and she was pulled into a tight embrace. 

She went still, feeling overwhelmed by the sensation for a moment, before the familiarity of it washed over her. Then she was melting into him and the trickle of tears was a river now. Shaking hands came up to cling to his suit and his arms pulled her in tighter as she cried. She hated this. She hated being so broken. So weak and pathetic. The first time she’d seen her best friend in half a decade and here she was crying onto his shoulder. But damn if it didn’t feel good. To be heard and held and quietly assured that everything was going to be okay. That they’d get through this. 

It had been too long since anyone had talked to her like that. 

The tears finally started to slow and her breathing began to even out. One of the hands on her back was moving in slow, soothing circles. She didn’t bother trying to pull away. She knew she was too drained to do much of anything at the moment. When he spoke, it was barely above a whisper, but she felt the sound resonate with his chin resting atop her head as it was. 

“When?”

“I-” she sniffled. “He’s four days old.” 

“He?”

She nodded. 

“Does this  _ he  _ have a name?” he asked, clearly trying to pull this conversation out of the dark place it had fallen into. It failed spectacularly with the next words that fell from her lips.

She shook her head. “I uh… haven’t really gotten that far yet…” she breathed.

He stiffened for a moment. “Were you alone for the-”

“Yes.”

His hold tightened ever so slightly and then relaxed, one hand going back to rubbing soothing circles along her spine. “Oh, Valkyrie.” he sighed. There was a sadness in his voice that she’d only heard a select few times before. And she realized he probably knew what she’d gone through. No doubt he’d been there every step of the way for his own wife when she had their child. He had at least some idea of the fear and pain that had overwhelmed her, alone in that house. “You could have called.”

She barked out a laugh that startled her with how loud it was. “Skulduggery, the list of things I could have or should have done is so long at this point, I’m pretty sure you could gift wrap the pyramids with it.” She shook her head. “If the last nine months were spent completely off my rocker, trying to make sense of everything, then the hours of torture at the end were hardly my most lucid moments of the year.” 

His hold loosened and he pulled back just enough to look at her. She finally met his eyeless gaze, waiting for what he would say. 

“At the risk of being incredibly rude right now, I have to say, you look terrible.” he said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. 

That ghost of a smile returned to her lips for just a moment and she nodded. “Sounds about right.” 

“You clearly haven’t been sleeping.” he surmised. 

“Honestly I don’t think I’ve slept through a single night in over a month.” she admitted. “But yeah, the last few days… it’s just been an hour at most here or there.” 

“You should be resting for at least a week. Taking things slow.” 

“The little one would argue vehemently at that.” she sighed. “I swear, Alice was never quite so demanding as this one.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but Alice had three caretakers waiting on her beck and call at this stage, didn’t she?” 

Valkyrie could only nod at that, her gaze falling back to the grass below. The silence returned, threatening to grow heavy between them again until Skulduggery beat it back with his usual bravado. 

“Well, the good news is that this is hardly something that I’m inexperienced at.” he stated with his usual upbeat attitude. “Out of practice, sure, but I’m a very quick learner. I’m sure it’ll all start coming back to me before the night is out.” 

“I’m sorry.” she mumbled. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I-”

“Valkyrie.”

Her apologies died in her throat, but her gaze stayed fixed on the ground. His hand cupped her cheek and gently turned her head. When she finally looked at him he continued. 

“I’m here. I’m choosing to stay. This isn’t something you have to apologize for.” he assured her. “None of it is.” The conviction in his voice was so steady that she couldn’t bring herself to argue. 

She nodded. “Okay.” 

He rubbed her arm and gave it a light squeeze before pulling away and standing. 

“Right then, when was the last time you ate?” 

“Just before I called.” 

He nodded at that. “And, are you hungry?” 

“Not particularly. Just… just tired.” 

“Then let’s get you to bed.” he said, holding out a hand to her.

She took it, surprising even herself when she struggled to rise on twitching, aching legs. Once she was up she was leaning heavily against him. She chuckled dryly. 

“I’m a mess.” 

“I’d be amazed and considerably more concerned if you weren't.” he said. His head tilted and she realized he was looking over her shoulder. “Your guard dog isn’t going to steal my leg if I pick you up, will it?” 

Valkyrie looked over her own shoulder and saw Xena, standing and watching Skulduggery with unwavering eyes. She wasn’t growling, but she looked like she very much wanted to. The thought almost made her smile. 

“Xena.” she said, snapping her fingers. “Door.” she nodded her head in the direction of the house and Xena immediately started trotting towards the front door. 

Skulduggery hummed approvingly and then he was scooping her up into his arms. Her own arms wound around his neck so easily. Memories of him flying the two of them around rose to the surface of her thoughts. And then he was flying, just a few feet off the ground, but flying all the same.

“You read my mind.” she mused. “You didn’t pick up any new tricks while I was away, did you?”

“Nothing of that nature, no.” she could hear the smile in his voice. “Just, good, old fashioned intuition.” 

They touched down on the porch and Valkyrie patted his shoulder. 

“I think I can manage from here.”

“You sure?” he asked, not relinquishing his hold. 

“Yes, Skulduggery, I’m sure.” she insisted. 

He set her on her feet and she only swayed slightly before moving forward and opening the door. Xena slipped in first. Then Valkyrie, followed by Skulduggery. Valkyrie’s eyes instantly flitted to the clock in the kitchen once she was close enough to read it. 

“He’ll be up again in about an hour. Hour and a half if we’re lucky. Doesn’t do much outside of eat, sleep and poo at the moment, but he’s up every two or three hours.” she explained, attempting to wipe the grit from her eyes. “Not quite like clockwork, but he’s healthy. He’s normal.” she sighed. “I’m counting my blessings wherever I can at this point.” 

Skulduggery nodded. “Okay. Why don’t you walk me through the basics and then try to get some rest.” 

Valkyrie huffed. “Try, being the key word there.” Before he could comment, she started talking. She went over how to mix and warm the formula. Skulduggery assured her he could regulate the temperature perfectly, so she moved on to the next bit. She led him down the hall while she spoke. If he was already aware of the proper steps, he didn’t say anything. He just quietly listened and made little sounds of acknowledgement as she spoke. 

When they stepped in the nursery Valkyrie’s eyes immediately went to the crib and a tiny set of squinting green eyes peered back at her from behind the wooden bars. 

“What are you doing awake, sweetie?” she asked, striding over and scooping the tiny bundle into her arms. He wiggled and made little gurgling sounds, reaching for Valkyrie and tightly grasping onto her shirt and some of her hair once he was within reach. She quickly checked him over, finding nothing to suggest why he might have woken up. “It’s too early for you to be hungry.” she hummed. 

“Perhaps he was eavesdropping.” Skulduggery suggested. He’d followed her into the room but stood back a few feet. Watching the two of them. Valkyrie had almost forgotten he was there. 

Her eyes fell back to the baby, who was trying very hard to pull the hem of her shirt to his drooling mouth. “Is that it?” she asked the infant, offering him a knuckle to suck on instead. “Were you trying to spy on mummy and her guest. You getting bored now?” 

She heard Skulduggery approach from behind her and watched as the baby’s eyes flicked up and fixed on him. 

“Hello.” Skulduggery greeted.

Tiny green eyes went wide and the baby released Valkyrie’s finger, sticking out his little tongue and flailing one arm wildly. Valkyrie’s brows rose.

“Well that’s a reaction.” she mused, trying not to get hit in the face by the tiny fist flying through the air. The baby made a few short murmurs before escalating to an open mouthed squeal, eyes still fixed on Skulduggery’s skull. 

“May I?” Skulduggery asked, holding out a gloved hand. 

“Uh, sure.” Valkyrie turned and carefully settled the baby into Skulduggery’s arms. The fact that he didn’t need to be told how to hold the infant properly soothed much of the lingering concern in the back of her mind. 

Maybe this wasn’t a horrible idea. 

It might actually have been a decent one.

Good even. 

Once the baby was tucked into the crook of his arm, he quieted and just watched with wide emerald eyes. Skulduggery tilted his head and held up a gloved finger. The baby latched onto it with a tiny fist and didn’t show any sign of letting go anytime soon. 

“Well, he’s already an excellent judge of character.” Skulduggery mused. 

Valkyrie felt her lips pull into a smile. It was slight, but there. She leaned against the crib and watched as Skulduggery started to gently rock from side to side, even allowing the infant to mouth at his gloved fingers. Val wasn’t sure how long she stood there, just watching the surreal interaction. She still couldn’t really believe Skulduggery was here. That he was still here, after hearing everything and realizing what Valkyrie was asking of him. 

Then again… what was she asking of him? 

“I can hear you thinking from over here.” he said, snapping her out of her thoughts. She blinked, only now realizing how heavy her eyelids felt. 

“Sorry. Just… just spacing out, I guess.” 

“Go to bed, Valkyrie. I can take it from here.” he insisted. 

Valkyrie’s eyes flicked down to the baby, who seemed quite content with the new development as he drooled all over the leather gloves. 

“There’s still a lot we need to talk about.” She said. 

Skulduggery nodded. “All of which can wait.” 

“... thank you.” 

He didn’t respond to that, instead quietly nodding towards the door. She took the hint and finally allowed her feet to carry her out of the room. She threw one last glance back over her shoulder at her son. Still content. Still fine. She felt a weight lift off her shoulders and she let it go as she forced her legs to carry her to her bedroom. 

The instant her head hit the pillow, she was out like a light. 


End file.
